This is what Earth is all about, finding your reason for being and your ultimate home frequency so you can become your highest self.

So why do we feel pulled towards others? What is the instant attraction we sometimes feel that can be so undeniably magnetic?

As we grow and live, small pieces of our essence are pulled away as we get hurt and as we experience trauma. These experiences cause us to shut off certain aspects of ourselves. We close off certain energy centres to protect ourselves and also to buffer the pain. We refer to this as coping.

However, it is always the desire for all beings to be whole. So when our soul identifies a quality we have lost or have never cultivated within another being, we use that person as a mirror. Sometimes we mistake that for romantic love. Please do not misunderstand me – there is still love of a certain kind, surely. This type of bond will teach you and through this codependency you will learn to piece yourselves back together. But in this process you may lose other factions of yourself along the way. Sometimes this can be a long and hard journey. Rather than romantic attraction, it may be beneficial to identify the attraction as something within that person you actually wish to build within yourself. Focus on achieving that task rather than allowing yourself to fall in love.

You must ultimately understand that no one else can complete you. You must first complete yourself fully. Relationships should not be about control and dominance, but should be about the sharing of two completely whole beings that bring joy to each other through their connection. There is no fear involved with this type of energy exchange. There is no judgment, there is only a perfect connection of love. Because both parties are already full and therefore seek nothing outside of themselves to complete their internal pattern. This is the way to seek and create a balanced love. Putting someone on a pedestal will always fail. Respect them and honour them, rejoice with them but don’t obsess or worship them as it will only cause you suffering. This is also why it is not good to look for or gravitate to external beauty. Beauty is fleeting and says very little about character. Beauty will not fulfill you; it’s nice to look at, but your mind and soul need more than just a vision for the long haul!

What this means is that you must honour all relationships as growth tools. You must have gratitude for them, but a wise man will seek to discern why this form of relationship has appeared. You may also find patterns in relationship exchanges that appear with frequency in your life. The universe trying to bop us over the head and say learn from this! You may have to experience the same pattern over and over and over until you completely understand the “why” to what it means to be whole.

Let me offer an example. Let’s say you are a giving person and you give and give too freely and open your heart with the abundance of love and gifts and essentially the keys to the kingdom. But you do not pre-qualify those you give to, ensuring they are positive and deserving beings. They might be takers that seek only to learn all they can and take all they can with no love or respect for you. What is the lesson here? The lesson you are meant to learn is to read and study the intentions and true auras of others before you invest into them. They will often show you their true colours quickly through both major and minor disrespect. But these are the red flags and warning signs that are teaching you to read other people accurately. The “why” is simple, you are learning this because it is helpful to know others for what they are so you can be at your highest good and service by building a team of authentically aligned beings. These patterns will repeat and come in many forms until you solidify the lesson into your heart and soul.

This can be true of romantic relationships as well. We can love the exterior of a person, but in doing so you are fixating on the physical and creating an imbalance. This will lead to unbalanced thoughts and an unbalanced nature. When we position our thoughts too heavily on the body, the mind will too often sink to lower desires that have little to do with true love.

You may ask, what is the point? Well, you can just look at the state of the world. People go from meaningless relationship to meaningless relationship with everything based on an external attraction. Little to no consideration is given to character and mental stimulation. This is a drive-through approach to connection that will leave you not only morally bankrupt, but spiritually desolate as well.

We need to build a society that can relearn the power of connection and what it means to foster true and lasting love. The love that is born from time and patience and not a sexy selfie. The type of pairing that is matched on respect and kindness and a spirit of learning and desire to know another deeply, not just for the mask they wear. Anyone can nip and tuck and fill and add just like a Christmas tree. But the things that will actually stand the test of time take a much more concerted effort.

If you want to end up with a queen, be a king in all that you do. Likewise, if you want to end up with a king, build yourself into a queen. That means building capabilities and attributes the best that you possibly can, in all facets of living. Hold yourself to the highest standard.

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Where they fall very short are with stress-induced ailments. And, unfortunately, most of our ailments these days just so happen to be caused by stress. Doctors are completely baffled by these things and often just imply that it’s all in your head. Which, yes it is – thanks Tips – but for a doctor, that will be the end of the conversation. Now you could pick that conversation up with a psychiatrist, but they don’t make any money if you get better. So best of luck with that option, hope you enjoy pills.

So we’re left to solve this riddle on our own. What, then, is the true source of this stress that is causing so many problems? Is it from being overworked? Is it from being underpaid? Is it from the build-up of all the daily aggravations of the modern world? Not really. They don’t help, but things like less nutritious food, chemical additives, electromagnetic radiation and a host of other toxins are much worse. But I really think it’s deeper, I believe it’s because something is missing. Energy is being blocked.

I feel that one of the biggest culprits out there are toxic relationships. Nowadays, it seems so many are stuck in unfulfilling relationships. It’s so prevalent that it’s considered normal now, and we all just help each other live with it. This is rooted in the unconscious or semi-conscious desires that have been ingrained in us by cultural and biological forces. The concept has officially been referred to as idealization or infatuation, if you’re doing some research.

We collectively forgot how to look for love. We forgot how to differentiate between lustful desires and strong, deep connections. We started believing that the feeling of neurochemicals releasing in our brain is a sign of love and real connection. We no longer care to remember that a true, lasting bond is formed exclusively through the heart. The rest is basically just temptation.

We used to strategically weed out “the rest” and seek that special someone. Now we just truck through the weeds until we end up trapped beside one of them, stuck in the swamp, convincing ourselves it’s our fault that the swamp is dirty. Then just live out our lives trying in vain to clean it and turn the swamp into a natural hot spring oasis. You’re going to need to move a mountain.

At least the elderly still remember what is real. And the elderly couples who have been together for 75 years or whatever do have a pretty solid consensus, which can be summarized with the phrase “Marry your best friend.” So maybe look for that person you never need a break from.

Of course, there are so many reasons people may stay in an unhealthy relationship. But I think a popular one is low self-esteem and feeling like you don’t deserve anything better, or that you won’t find anyone else and if you do they will probably leave you eventually. Or that you don’t want to spend that much time with somebody. That sort of thing. All of this keeps your vibes low, further blinding you to the bigger picture hidden in plain sight. Truth is, if you’re with the right person, spending the whole day together won’t seem like enough time.

But now we find ourselves in an uncertain world because no one is quite sure if love is even real any more. We are afraid to truly love any more. But love is light and without it, darkness can flourish. Without good energy flowing through your whole vessel, a void is left that bad things are happy to fill. That negativity lowers your vibration and causes problems that appear to defy explanation.

As far as being with the wrong person goes, many studies have shown that being in a bad relationship can harm not only your mental health, but your physical health as well. The stress of constant tension or conflicts in a relationship can keep your body in a fight-or-flight mode all the time, which causes your body to produce adrenaline and quickly discard the excess. This can eventually lead to fatigue, a weakened immune system and can even cause organ damage.

Researchers have found that women in bad relationships tend to have similarly high blood pressure and high blood sugar levels. It has been shown that the wrong relationship can put people at a higher risk of heart problems than those in healthy relationships. Research also found that being with the wrong person can even slow down the healing of wounds!

While life will always leave scars, wounds do heal. Our bodies do indeed regenerate, as do our spirits. Remember that darkness can only exist if light is blocked. Remove whatever is in your life that blocks your light, and you will shine. You will brighten the whole world and good things will gravitate to you while bad things will be repelled. You will heal emotionally and you will heal physically. And then you can start to live again.

SOURCES
The Hidden Health Hazards of Toxic Relationships
Impact of Toxic Relationships on Heart Health
Research Shows Bad Relationships Can Also Mean Bad Health
Proinflammatory Cytokine Production and Wound Healing
Negative Aspects of Close Relationships and Heart Disease

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The first rule of any connection and to liking another person, whether it be romantically or as a friend or family, respect is the key.  If you don’t respect who a person is, how can you attune your attention properly to them. 

So what is respect?  It means seeing a person as they are and enjoying and unconditionally accepting who they are. It means having a fondness for their ways and their uniqueness.

From respect we can move to the next level, which is admiration. Admiration being that desire to know about the other and a sense of curiosity in learning who they are. A form of advanced “watching” and admiring all that they do and are.   

From admiration you then can form a sense of adoration and love.  This is the emotional state of balance and oneness that all beings seek.  It is the “home” vibration.  Adoration in its purest form is unwavering, unconditional love.  You can only truly see anyone this way when you also love yourself completely, for any other imbalanced form is not love at all. Obsession is not adoration. Obsession is a lack of something within one’s self that creates a void that can lead to co-dependency.

So how do we start to cultivate these things within our relationships? 

1. When you feel a good thing about another person, say it! The soul needs to hear it. Will anyone ever grow tired of hearing how beautiful, wonderful and talented they are? No, they won’t! 
2. Be excited about living! When you approach every task with positivity and with a spirit of excitement, it becomes contagious and you start to see the world in a better light.
3. Be beautiful in all that you do and you will see it mirrored in everything around you. This requires a long explanation; but essentially give your best to 100% of every moment of each day. This also translates to giving your best to each and every interaction.  You will start to see a change in people around you. The world will become what you give to it.
4. Give and serve. When you give and serve others, you merge yourself into the flow of love. With love flowing through you, helping others with honor and respect becomes the greatest gift.
5. The little things matter. Love and respect are shown continuously through every tiny moment. It’s not the big gifts that can be given to cover up detached attachment. Love is made moment by moment, gesture by gesture. When we concede to being supportive, kind and caring to others, we allow them to feel safe, happy and loved.
6. Don’t rush through experience. Life is meant to be a symphony of a million tiny beautiful moments. It’s not about getting there fast. Where is there? When do you know you have arrived? I’ll tell you there is nowhere you will ever find. It’s an illusion. The place you want to be is here, now. The beautiful moment of now, if you choose to see it that way. Everything beautiful is an outward manifestation of love.

Balance is the key, which also means having self respect and self love. Your life is truly a reflection of your inner morals, goals, character and attitude. The poorest of men can be the happiest of souls, while the richest can see value in very little.

Everything that happens to us is good. It is for us to know and to grow.  Life is a journey designed for us to gain knowledge. Whether that knowledge be of the dark or of the light, we must know all we can know.

Life is one long preparation for the ultimate expression of love.

The ultimate understanding of what love is has to be learned through many lessons. Life itself is a transcendent adventure.

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First, remove all thoughts about love-and-sex. That’s not love. That is just neurochemicals messing with your perception. Sex can be the ultimate expression of love, it’s true, but that’s high-level, Kama Sutra slash Christ Consciousness type spiritual stuff. Very few manage to achieve that and those that do probably turn into stars or something afterwards. For this discourse, we are focusing on unconditional love, as opposed infatuation. So keep your pants on.

Ok, so to comprehend love, let’s first think about how heat works. Heat is energy. Coldness is a lack of energy. You can introduce heat to something cold and warm it up. But you cannot introduce cold to something warm and cool it down, although it kind of appears that way. When something is cooling down, heat energy is being removed. The point is, cold is not really anything. It is a lack of something. It’s a lack of energy.

Similarly, think about how light works. Light is energy. Darkness is a lack of light. If you put a light in a dark room, you light up the room. You cannot put darkness into a bright room and make it dark. Darkness is not anything, it is a lack of light. Darkness can never overcome light. For darkness to exist, light must be blocked.

Now consider love. Love is energy. Hate is a lack of love. This one is more complex to consider because of its subjective nature, but it really is just as simple. People become hateful because of a lack of love. Love is light and love is warmth because it’s all energy. It’s all vibrations. Raise your vibrations, raise your energy. Love is the highest energy; if you allow it to flow through your heart, hate and negativity cannot exist there. Hatred is not actually anything. It is the absence of love.

To take it one step further, consider good and evil. Goodness is energy. Goodness is selflessness, meaning you are willing to do something that will help or benefit someone else without ever expecting to get anything in return, even if it will cost you time, money, energy or otherwise. Evil is a lack of goodness; it’s the emptiness in your heart when goodness is not there. Evil is selfishness, meaning you are only willing to do something if it will help or benefit yourself, even if it will cost others time, money, their lives or otherwise. And like the past examples, evil can never defeat goodness; it can only block it. Goodness prevails over evil simply by existing. So be GOOD in your HEART, don’t be neutral. A neutral heart is lifeless and allows evil to flourish, but I guess hindsight is 2020.

If we let love into our hearts we can overcome evil, remove hatred, shine our light and warm the hearts of others. Love is contagious, spread it!

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So how do we live positively? It’s a bit of work, no doubt. It involves some heavy lifting, it involves cleaning up your mind and body. And to what extent, you ask?

Well, let’s look at the garbage you may have been leaving all over the landscape of your mind.

Let’s examine it, come on now! Don’t be afraid, it won’t bite you. It will make you depressed. It will make you angry. It will make you act in ways you don’t like. It will make you hurt others. It will steel your motivation. It might make you try to escape through bad food, gambling, alcohol, disconnected sex, drugs, pornography, apathy, overworking yourself, judging others, complaining, self-sabotaging, fear and anxiety. But this junk in your head I can assure you won’t bite.

So let’s start on the clean up. First we need to identify what is garbage and what is gold.

Here is my list of mental garbage, you can make your own.

• I’m not good enough
• No one likes me for me
• If people knew how weak I was inside they would never respect me
• I have so many flaws
• I can’t do it
• I feel my body is not healthy, I feel weakness and pain
• I’m getting too old
• I don’t like the way I look
• I can’t connect the way I want to with people
• Because of my past I don’t fit in
• Too many bad things have happened to me …. I’m damaged goods
• People leave me because there is something wrong with me
• I’m hard to love
• I don’t see myself as beautiful
• I have to work to make myself worthy
• I have to prove I’m worth it
• One day I will be somebody
• I have to please everyone to make them like me
• I should always come last …. that’s humility
• No one liked me in school so there must have been something wrong with me
• My family broke up and I don’t see them any more – that was my fault
• I’m unlovable
• I’m scared of dying
• I fear my mortality
• I fear change, because I might not be able to cope
• I fear my weakness
• My brain is so sensitive, it can break

These are just a few of the garbage thoughts a person can have.

So we do what we do Mentally with any garbage. We pick it up, look at it and say, ok I learned from you. But it’s time for you to be recycled. Don’t ever hate the garbage. Respect it. Honor it. Learn from it. Recycle it into gold. Become a mental alchemist.

Here is my list of mental gold, you can make your own.

• I am love
• I love everyone and everything and it’s reflected back to me.
• There is no competition on the spiritual plain.
• We are all unique beautiful creatures
• We are all learning important, essential, incredible lessons
• I am so grateful for my path and my growth
• Thank you universe
• Thank you for the glorious gift of life
• I am enough
• I am beautiful
• I am eternal
• I have no fear because all there is is love.
• I have always had all that I will ever need, I am abundant
• I am gifted with my own uniqueness, and it’s a light I give to the world
• All other life, animal, plant, human is a beautiful expression of existence and I honor it.
• I see myself in all others and therefore I am filled with kindness, compassion, patience and love.
• I am capable of saying no when it’s right for me
• I don’t owe the world anything but to be.
• It’s not my responsibility to save anyone but myself.
• Loving others does not mean I have to carry their burdens.
• I am free to be 100% authentically me
• To do not judge others so therefore I do not judge myself
• I am a glorious expression of nature
• I am loving on purpose
• I am capable of anything I can imagine
• I love adventure and the excitement change brings
• I do not fear death as I know it will only be the beginning of something equally beautiful in my evolution
• I am a soul experiencing a human form
• I am safe
• My essence is eternally perfect
• I was created perfectly, I need only to remember this

You have the power to transform your very being through the mechanism of a beautiful mind.

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Take a careful look at your emotions. A mind running amuck can lead you into suffering. What I mean by this is that so many people these days are on autopilot. They just opt for quick pleasure. The quick fix. Nothing is done with careful analysis and selection.

These desires include things such as television, overeating, drinking too much, cheap gossip, vanity, overspending, shopping addictions, drugs, empty online relationships, computer simulated arousal (pornography). None of these things will provide you with any positive insight, growth, wisdom or joy. They are quick cheap thrills that will last only as long as you are engaged in them.

However, well thought out desires are specialized and purposeful. This type of desire causes you to learn, to study, to dive deep into whatever your heart pulls you towards. This type of desire may manifest as a passion for the arts, music or any craft which takes time to perfect. Desire to change the world through a great movement, invention or business. Desire to help others through what you can create. When you are in the energy of this desire the journey is just as exciting as the destination. The entire practice of divine desire will be completely all encompassing and worth while.

Lastly, if you apply this type of desire to love, you will find a journey that far exceeds anything you can imagine. It involves careful attention to each detail. It requires learning, study, self-improvement and self-actualization. An innate desire to be everything you can be. A desire for the truest and purest love in the entire Universe.

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